


The Birthday Present

by BookshopLaura



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-04-16 17:15:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4633572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Merlin's Birthday and Arthur's organised a surprise, but things don't go according to plan...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur had been planning this day for months. He'd even roped Gwaine, Leon and the rest of the knights into helping him prepare it. It was Merlin's birthday, although he'd been very quiet about it. Secretive even, as if he didn't want a big fuss. But Arthur had found out and Arthur wanted to make a big deal of it. Partly because Merlin was his friend and deserved it, and partly because it would give him an opportunity to embarrass Merlin. He's already got a present sorted, a lovely embroidered new jacket in red. Warm for the winter months ahead, and with images of dragons across the chest and oak leaves around the arms. It's only light embroidery, a faint pattern in the same red as the jacket, but Arthur likes it. It says it's personal and it also says Pendragon. 

Arthur likes that, although he's not sure he should do. It's a possessiveness he's scared to confront, but it's there. But today is not a day to confront it. Merlin will put it down to being the King's manservant, role his eyes and that will be that. He's wrapped the jacket up in piece of plain white cloth and it's sat on his table as he waits for Merlin to bring him lunch. He's so proud because Merlin doesn't have a clue about the gift, or about the small feast that he and the knights have been preparing tonight for Merlin's Birthday meal. Merlin knows there's a feast, but he thinks that as usual he will be serving. So Arthur is waiting to break the news to him. He'll give him his gift, give him a couple of hours off, and then tonight they'll eat and drink and be merry. 

Merlin comes in carrying the tray of food. He's frowning, looking serious. Arthur smirks, he's got a plan already set in his head of how he's going to approach this. Merlin has finished laying out the lunch when Arthur gets up from his seat and walks across to him, looking as stern and serious as he can. 

"You didn't think you could keep it from me any longer, did you?" he asks, seriously meeting Merlin's gaze.

"What?" asks Merlin, frowning back, confused.

"Your secret! You didn't seriously think I wouldn't know, I wouldn't find out." Merlin's looking defensive, even a little scared. 

"Arthur, I don't..." he begins. Arthur can't help himself, this is clearly rattling something in Merlin, so he presses on, stepping forward, looking even more serious. 

"Don't play the fool with me Merlin, you can't keep that kind of secret from me! I think it's best if you just admit it right now!" Merlin's face has gone ashen and Arthur's slightly worrying now. Is there a reason Merlin has always kept quiet about his birthday? Does he have some terrible memories?

"Merlin?" he says, but it comes out more of a demand than a show of concern.

"I'm sorry. I... I meant to tell you." says Merlin, his eyes wide.

"When? When it was too late?" asks Arthur, but even as he says it, he gets the feeling Merlin's not talking about his birthday.

"I wanted to, I really wanted to. But with you father, and the ban on magic. I didn't want to do that to you, Arthur!" Now it's Arthur's turn for his face to fall. This really isn't about Merlin's birthday at all. 

"Spit it out, Merlin" he says, but it's quiet, dangerous. He can barely breath because Merlin... because he might...

"I have magic. I'm a..." says Merlin quieter still

"Sorcerer!" spits Arthur. He turns around, he can't look at Merlin. His heart and mind are in chaos. He knows what he should do. He should arrest Merlin, and have him executed. But he can't. At least not yet. He's too shocked, and part of him is a little scared. Sorcerers are powerful and vengeful.

"Arthur?" Merlin's voice sounds like a child's pleading. Arthur shakes himself, and forces himself to turn around despite his fear. Merlin still looks pale, his hands are pulling nervously at the hems of his sleeves as he watches Arthur. His face looks desolate, abandoned.

"Arthur, I'm sorry. Please..." Arthur walks away, he can't, he doesn't know how to deal with this at the moment. So many years of betrayal, he's not sure he even knows Merlin any more. But he's walking towards his desk, where Merlin's present lies, ready to be given. He's tempted to leave it, to burn it. But it was meant for Merlin. Feeling hollow and raw, Arthur picks up the bundle, tied with a ribbon, and carries it over to Merlin. Merlin's looking at it and him and frowning, even as Arthur holds it out and lays it in Merlin's arms.

"Happy Birthday, Merlin." says Arthur without emotion, then turns away again. After a moment of silence he hears what might have been a sniff from Merlin, then footsteps as he leaves the chamber at a light run.


	2. Chapter 2

The feast is a disaster, Arthur's so livid he barely looks at Merlin, although he does note that Merlin is wearing the jacket he'd had made. Probably an attempt to feign loyalty. Merlin seems nervous, at first trying to act like nothing has happened, smiling and laughing. But as the feast goes on he's constantly glancing at Arthur. And Arthur can see out of the corner of his eye that it's getting more and more desperate. More and more panicked. And then Merlin makes his excuses before the night is really over and leaves, claiming a headache. 

As soon as he's out of the room, Gwaine walks over, glaring.

"Right, that's it! What have you said to him?"

"What?" 

"Well it's clear you two have had a tiff, and now he's gone off! It's his Birthday, Arthur! Remember that?" says Gwaine, and he's livid.

"Remember who you're speaking to Gwaine!" says Arthur, standing up, eyes flashing dangerously.

"I'm not sure I know who I'm speaking to! The 'King' who organised this party for his most loyal servant is clearly..."

"Pah!" Arthur doesn't even try to stop the sound that escapes him. For a moment the whole hall is silent. 

"You doubt Merlin's loyalty?" says Gwaine, and he looks incredulous. 

"Why shouldn't I?" demands Arthur slamming a fist down on the table. But when he looks around all the eyes in the room are pinned on him, and they all look like he's grown a second head.

"What do you mean, why shouldn't you? He's Merlin! He'd cut his own arm off if he thought it'd make you happy! He almost has on more than one occasion and you know it!" retaliates Gwaine, face alive with righteous indignation.

"Forgive me Sire, but Gwaine is right. Merlin is loyal, everyone can see that." says Leon, trying to restore calm. 

"Then it is a clever act!" shouts Arthur, but even as he says it he can see Merlin ready to grasp a cup of poison for him, throwing himself at ghouls and monsters, and following him where no one without armour should ever think of going. 

"No one's that good, Arthur!" retorts Gwaine just as loud. 

"If he's a traitor, he's doing everything the wrong way round, Sire." says Elyan, standing, but not shouting.

"What?" demands Arthur, turning to look at him, brow furrowed. 

"If he were a traitor surely he'd simper to your face and tear you down behind your back. But Merlin is honest with you, far more honest than any of us would dare be" explains Elyan.

"With the possible exception of Gwaine." adds Leon.

"Sire, he tells you exactly what he thinks of you, to your face. Would you consider that simpering? To call you a clotpole and a prat to your face. But behind your back..."  
Arthur feels his heart lurch at the image it conjures of Merlin scheming and plotting. Of mocking grins and Merlin thinking how clever he is to have tricked Arthur. 

"Behind your back he won't hear a word against you." concludes Elyan. 

"Well no, he'll still admit you're a prat." adds Gwaine, and Arthur glares at him for it.

"But he'll go on about your destiny, and your heart being in the right place and how good a king you are so much that eventually the rest of us started believing in it too." Gwaine sounds a bit bitter in his conclusion, but now Arthur's mind is in a mess. Merlin is supposed to be a sorcerer. But he isn't supposed to be his loyal to a fault and incredibly ridiculous self and a sorcerer at the same time. Sorcerers are meant to be evil, scheming, power hungry creatures only worthy of flames. Not close friends who've risked their lives for you before. 

"Sire, I beg your pardon, but what is it that Merlin has done that has given you cause to doubt him?" asks Leon calmly. And suddenly it's Arthur who feels defensive of Merlin. Because if they know, then he might have to do something about it. And he's not sure he can face that. Not sure he could ever face that. 

"Doesn't matter." says Arthur, tapping his fingers on the edge of the table impatiently. Then he decides that he's not a patient man, and storms from the room to follow Merlin. 

\---

It takes Arthur a few minutes to work up the courage to go into Gaius' chambers. He knows it's silly, he owns this castle, but he doesn't know what he'll find. Merlin packing? Merlin casting magic? Merlin already gone to bed? Finally pushes the door open to find Merlin not gone to bed, but sitting at Gaius' bench, a jug of mead in his hand, staring at the fire. His side is to Arthur, but he doesn't look up, just adjusting where his head is leaning on his hand. 

"Before you say anything, I know I should be at my Birthday feast, but Arthur hates me so my Birthday's gone to hell" says Merlin quietly but bitterly. His voice is wobbling and high. He's been crying. Merlin rubs his eyes on the sleeve of his expensive new jacket, then lifts the wooden flagon to his lips. 

Later on Arthur thinks he should probably have thought of something nice, or at least more serious and dramatic to say. But he didn't think, so instead he said.

"Don't wipe your snot on that, Merlin. That jacket cost a lot of money."


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin starts up, putting his bone cup down so hard the mead sloshes over the edges, but Merlin doesn't pay attention because he's jumped up and he's eyeing Arthur cautiously. Arthur steps forwards but he doesn't know what to say. Merlin's clearly expecting him to say something though, because he carries on looking at Arthur or in his general direction. His eyes keep flicking as if it's hard to keep Arthur's gaze. He keeps blinking too, or at least nearly blinking.

"What... what did you want?" asks Merlin finally, when Arthur hasn't made any move to say anything. Arthur turns away this time. He does't really know that he had any more plan than 'confronting' Merlin. He hadn't really got much further than that. 

"All the knights seem to think the sun shines out of your backside." he says finally, glancing up at Merlin. There's a slight frown on his face but no hint of anything else. 

"You've convinced them of your loyalty, at least." he says sitting down on the bench that Merlin has jumped up from, carefully avoiding the patch where the sticky mead has flowed over the edge on the table onto the seat. 

"They're good men. They'd do anything for you." Merlin looks up to meet his gaze as he says this, and holds it. 

"And if I ordered your execution." Arthur can't help noticing the shiver, the tightness in Merlin as he says this. The slight knitting in his brow, how he won't look at Arthur now.

"Would they stay loyal then?" he finishes, more quietly. 

"I... I think most... Gwaine is my friend, he'd be upset... But he knows you're a good man." Except that Arthur knows in his heart, in the blood coursing through him, that Gwaine would fight through fire, through hell itself for Merlin. But then, before this, Arthur would have been ahead of him in that charge. Merlin's head is downcast as he says this, Arthur even thinks he sees a tremble of lips. Arthur frowns at that. 

"Are you afraid to die, Merlin?" Merlin looks up at him, eyes wide, slightly blinking. But he shakes his head emphatically.

"No, I'm not afraid to die." Arthur's tempted to disbelieve that, but he knows in his heart that it's true. He's seen Merlin risk death too many times to accuse him of cowardice in this.

"Just wish it hadn't ended like this... Should have told you, a long time ago..." he says sadly, his head dropping again.

"Why didn't you?" demands Arthur, but he can't help watching Merlin's sad face. Because he's mentioned execution to try to rile Merlin up, to make him act. But now Arthur's scared. Because Merlin's just accepted it, like it's obvious. Merlin's decided that the most likely thing that Arthur would do is cut his head off, and he's accepting it, going along with it. And whilst Arthur can't say the idea hadn't occurred to him, it shocks him that Merlin has reached this conclusion so quickly, has accepted it so readily. That he thinks he knows Arthur so well, and the Arthur he thinks he knows would jump straight to execution.

"Because you'd have cut my head off... at first." says Merlin and for a moment there's a fleeting smirk, but it drops as Merlin glances at Arthur, and he blinks for a second, before continuing.

"After that, I... I knew you'd... hate me, feel betrayed. And I know you. Know you always do what's right... and I have magic, so..." Arthur finds himself staring at Merlin, wide eyed, mouth open. 

"And that's what's right?" he says, finally standing up. Merlin glances up at him. His eyes are wide, and a bit wild. And sad, upset. So sad. 

"I... hurt you. And I knew I was doing it! But I didn't know what else to do, so..." Merlin's face crumples at this.

Arthur can barely breath, his heart is racing so much and his mouth is so dry. Traitors are supposed to be many things, but they're probably not supposed to think they deserve to be executed. Or be distraught about upsetting someone. And Arthur can't let Merlin go on thinking like this, because however upset he is, he can't let Merlin go on thinking he is like that. 

"Merlin, if I ordered your execution, there'd be open revolt." he says forcefully, but even as he says it it sounds like the wrong words.

"You have to do what's right." says Merlin sadly, not looking at Arthur, and Arthur feels angry.

"And cutting someone's head off, that's the right thing?" says Arthur. It takes him a moment to realise that he's arguing Merlin's side in this argument. If this was anyone else, Merlin would be arguing for clemency. But it's not anyone else, it's Merlin himself. And when it comes to Arthur, Merlin's never had any sense of self-preservation. He's proven that again and again. No one is that good an actor. 

"I lied to you." Merlin's voice is so, so quiet. He brings his sleeve up to wipe his eyes again. 

"Yes, you did!" says Arthur bitterly, and with force, and this time when Merlin winces back, Arthur thinks Merlin might have been less hurt if he'd hit him. 

"I'm sorry." says Merlin quietly. Arthur turns around, away from Merlin. 

"Doesn't mean much now, does it." he says, refusing to turn and face Merlin. 

"No," says Merlin, but no more.

"How can I ever trust you again?" asks Arthur. He waits for a moment, then another, then turns to face Merlin. Tears are streaming down Merlin's face, and he's looking at some point out of the window.

"Are you going to answer me?" asks Arthur, but he's not trying to sound mean. He really wants to know.

"I can't." says Merlin. And it's so heavy, so hopeless. 

"So, you're giving up." says Arthur, and that does sound bitter.

"I don't know what else you want me to say? I lied, I betrayed you. I didn't want to , but I did, and it was my choice. And I'd never betray you, because you're my friend and I love you. But there isn't anything I can do to make it right again!..." and the tears are still flowing down Merlin's face, but now it's Arthur's turn to stare at Merlin like he's the one who's grown an extra head. Because Merlin did actually just say what Arthur thinks he just said. And it could be part of a plan, but Merlin's just blubbering on, and he doesn't think Merlin's even realised when he said, but Arthur's heart is pounding. 

"You... you love me?" he stutters between Merlin's blubbering.

"I..." Merlin's eyes go wide, as he realises what he's said. "I... yes... I... " But he stammers to a halt completely when Arthur walks right up to him and starts straightening the jacket he gave him. Arthur's face is difficult to read.

"Arthur?" he says quietly. He still sounds scared.

"I... I had dragons embroidered on the front because... because I wanted you to wear something which showed... which shows that you're mine." says Arthur, not taking his eyes off of the dragons.

"I still am, Arthur! I mean, I'm still loyal to you! I'll always be loyal to you!" says Merlin desperately. Arthur looks up to meet his earnest eyes, which plead with him even as Merlin falls silent.

"I believe you" says Arthur, looking him straight in the eye. The hope he sees starting to build in Merlin's eyes makes his own heart swell so much that he gets the over-whelming desire to kiss Merlin. But part of his mind is still wary enough to resist the urge. Just because he accepts Merlin's loyalty, doesn't mean he's not hurt by his betrayal. Merlin senses something, and drops his eyes a little.

"Sire, I... I think it would be best if... if I'm not your servant any more." This time Arthur feels like Merlin's hit him. He wants to leave. And he called him Sire! He never calls Arthur, Sire.

"You want to leave?" he asks, trying but failing to mask the hurt in his voice.

"Never! But, but I hurt you!" says Merlin, stepping in closer to Arthur, his hand resting on Arthur's arm, caressing it comfortingly.

"Merlin, I know this is probably really stupid. Every logical thought is telling me not to trust you, to lock you up and throw away the key..." Looking up Arthur sees that Merlin's turned to look away again, his face creasing on the verge of tears again.

"But I can't! Because I love you." he states simply. Merlin's face whips back to meet Arthur's, his hand on Arthur's arm suddenly gripping him tightly in hope.

"That's why I had this jacket made. So that everyone could see I'd made it for you. That's why I organised the party... That's why I could never order your execution. Couldn't even fire you, because..." Arthur's cut off by Merlin throwing himself into Arthur's arms. His arms latch around Arthur's waist, and his face is buried into Arthur's shoulder. For a moment Arthur wonders if he's crying, but he just takes a few deep breathes then moves his arms up to hold higher up Arthur's back.

"I love you, Arthur." says Merlin, suddenly looking up. A hand comes up to caress his cheek and run through his hair. And this time Arthur can't resist the urge to lean in and kiss Merlin. At first Merlin pulls back a little, surprised. But then his other hand comes up to Arthur's face, as he returns the kiss passionately. The rational part of Arthur's brain shouts loudly that he's kissing a sorcerer, but he chooses to ignore it in favour of continuing the kiss. When they finally break apart, Merlin smiles at him, widely. He looks so happy, even with puffy eyes.

"Keeping you alive is going to be so much easier now that you know." says Merlin, almost laugh. Arthur frowns at him.

"What do you mean, 'keeping me alive'?"

"You have no idea!" says Merlin, before he kisses Arthur again.

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I start things when I need to finish others??? Virtual cakes for comments, Virtual feasts for bullying me to finish the fics I've already started...


End file.
